Let us not forget the staggering statistics

Domestic violence is pervasive in our country - we know that. But what many do not know is that pregnant women carry a high risk of homicide from their abusive partners. The Gloucester Daily Times reports on a study of pregnant women and injury-related deaths from 1990 to 1999 conducted by the Massachusetts Department of Public Health and found "that homicide was the leading cause of death (38 percent), more than motor vehicle collisions (26 percent) and drug overdoses (20 percent). In Massachusetts there have already been 14 people murdered by an abusive partner since Jan. 1 of this year.

It seems that batterers take advantage of a victim when they are most vulnerable. Not only do they instill fear in the vicitm, they put them down so much that eventually many victims begin to think the abuse is their fault. And they especially escalate their tactics when the victim is pregnant. How low can you go? That is my question. While victims wind up working very hard at "how not to make the abuser angry", the abuser will ALWAYS find something to get angry, or yet enraged about.

We, as in the genral public and in awareness campaigns, need to find a way to talk with victims and let them know

• it is not their fault,
• there is help
• and we are here for them.

We, as in the community. We cannot do that however, as long as there are people in our society who keep blaming the victims. They say - well why doesn't she leave? She is asking for it. She provoked it. She could leave if she really wants to. These are all victim blaming phrases and questions. When someone asks these - I know they are speaking about something that they really don't understand. Because once you understand the complexities related to domestic violence and the impact of victimization, you don't ask those questions or make those statements. You wind up saying things like "How can we get the message across to victims to HELP them, not blame them? How can we show our support as a society?

In Massachusetts, as the Legislature debates next year's budget, they are considering the public safety benefit of a tax increase to support prevention services that help keep children and families safe during these challenging times. This is one way to reach out to more victims. This may not be the answer for everyone or every state. But at least they are searching for answers. Please help DVC and Ohio search for answers so that we may support victims, hold abusers more accountable and decrease domestic violence. Any ideas? Please share them with me. I am always looking for new, innovative and creative ways to help victims.

Teen Prom efforts are bittersweet

This is a story that is bitter sweet. The sweet part is the activism and campaign of a small group of high school students - who are charting a new path toward change. The bitter part is that so many of their peers are clueless.

I would love to personally congratulate the group of teens at Arcadia High School in California for being pro-active and encouraging respect for all girls and women. Because of their efforts, "Twenty songs that refer to women as "hos" and other derogatory names won't be played at the Arcadia High prom Saturday night", reports Pasadena Star News. Thanks to the efforts of senior Madeline Conrique and fellow members of the Women's Health and Issues Club who made an agreement with school administrators limiting songs with misogynistic themes and lyrics. "Some of the songs call women `bitches' and `hos,' or refer to them as objects and treat them like animals," Conrique said. "We find that offensive." A petition circulated on campus since last week asked students to support banning misogynistic songs from the prom; it garnered 130 signature

The Pasadena Star News reports:
The issue first came up a few months ago, when club members viewed two episodes of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" in which Winfrey asked members of the hip-hop community if they felt their lyrics were degrading to women. But educating their peers turned out to be difficult. One classmate launched a text message chain imploring students not to sign the petition, club members said. Some students felt the club was trying to ruin their prom. "The girls, surprisingly, were turned off," Conrique said. "They were telling us that we were ruining their prom and that they liked to dance to those songs." The club members now hope that the effort they launched this year translates into a "misogyny free" dance next school year. "I think we definitely made some progress," said Conrique. "We are not trying to silence anyone. We just want people to listen to the lyrics."

"We are just trying to advocate for respect", said senior, Lani Luo.

It is clear that many of the teens do not yet fully understand the damaging effects of lyrics which advocate for disrespect of women. The comments from teens are usually along the lines of: "Listening to lyrics that are degrading to women, doesn't make me want to go out and hit a woman". They don't realize that this is one way our society condones disrespect for women - which establishes a belief that women are "less than". And in many cases, this IS what leads to violence against women. Most offenders "hold it together" with their friends and family, and save the violence for their girlfriend or wife. This fact speaks volumes.

Do they not realize that 1 out of 4 women will be abused in their lifetime? If they don't, we need to keep that statistic out there - and keep telling the stories.

And that - is on all of us!

OK to slap a wife?

This judge needs a lesson in domestic violence 101.
Below is an excerpt from the Associated Press.

RIYADH (AFP) — A Saudi judge has told a seminar on domestic violence that it is okay for a man to slap his wife for lavish spending, a local newspaper reported on Sunday. Jeddah judge Hamad al-Razine gave the example of overspending to buy a high-end abaya, the head-to toe black shroud Saudi women have to wear in public, as justifying a smack for one's wife, Arab News said. "If a person gives 1,200 riyals (320 dollars) to his wife and she spends 900 riyals (240 dollars) to purchase an abaya from a brand shop, and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment," he said. The judge's remarks sparked an outcry at the seminar on the role of judicial and security officials in preventing domestic violence, the paper reported. The seminar was attended by officials as well as activists on domestic violence, including representatives of the National Family Safety Programme.
Razine acknowledged the depth of the problem of domestic violence, until recently not acknowledged as a serious issue in the ultra-conservative Muslim country, where family problems traditionally remained behind closed doors. Saudi women have in the past few years become more vocal about the problem of husbands beating wives and fathers mistreating children.

But Razine said some of the blame must be shouldered by wives for their behaviour. "Nobody puts even a fraction of the blame on them," he said, according to the report

So - the lesson is - even if someone says or does something to make you angry, that does not give you the right to hit, slap, punch or otherwise assault another person. Isn't that what we teach our children every day? I think it is one of the most difficult lessons for kids to learn. As adults, we expect that behavior to be mastered, but its not. This is not specific to this culture only. Unfortunately, almost every culture seems to believe a part of this thinking. We say here in the United States, that domestic violence is unacceptable. We have laws that protect victims of domestic violence. Yet the fact that domestic violence is so prevalent among households in the U.S., among the rich and poor, all races and ethnicities, and in every geographic location, speaks of the opposite belief. The fact is that there are many men who believe they have the right to hit their wife. (And yes there are male victims too). But the fact is that 85-90% of victims are women with male offenders. So it seems to be an accepted way of thinking in the U.S. for many. Research says that 1 out of every 4 women will be abused in their lifetime. That is a disturbing statistic.

I am glad that Saudi women are speaking out against this injustice. And the fact is.... we in the United States need to speak up even more than we have. If you have a story about domestic violence, please tell me. And lets figure out a way to get more of these stories told. So, in the end, all men and women feel safe in their homes and relationships.

And a very strong thank you to the many men who have already lent their voice to this issue. There are more good men in this community than abusive men. And we need them to stand up and speak out against domestic violence.

Find Your Voice!

There were 4 great bands... delicious food... beer, wine and soda... great raffle items.... energy.... singing... dancing... Put it all together and what do you have?

The Find Your Voice Concert benefiting Domestic Violence Center!

Almost 200 people attended the concert to not only raise their voice and awareness of domestic violence - but to raise funds for the programs and services of DVC. All 4 bands donated their music to the event - and all food and drink were donated by restaurants, cafes, wineries and bars in the community. We are fortunate to have such widespread community support! It was fun to see people up dancing - or better yet singing their own rendition of the song being played. We had guests ranging from 18 years old to 70 year old - all swaying to the music at some point during the evening. Thank you to all who attended and supported the concert in some way. We are pleased to announce that we raised more funds this year than last year. And in this economy.... that is an accomplishment in and of itself!

The CAVS are great - but its not what you think

Everybody knows the Cavs are the hottest team in the NBA! Mike Brown just received the "Coach of The Year Award" and many are predicting that Lebron will be the MVP. Cavs games are sold out; the arena is packed even when the team isn't physically present - when fans enthusiastically watch the Cavs on the jumbotron at the Q while the team is out of town! Cleveland is thrilled and the excitement is contagious. So yes - the Cavs are great because of their basketball ability and teamwork. But the Cavs are also great for a reason that does not get in the news like the games do. Those who are not in the limelight and work behind the scenes are pretty incredible. The work they do in the community is amazing. Colleen Garrity, the Cavs Community Relations Director and Carolyn Brown, who heads up the Cavaliers Better Halves, are committed individuals who love to work with people in the community. Carolyn, who is chairing DVC's first annual Charity Ball this Saturday, May 2nd, has done an outstanding job with the Ball! She and Colleen together have secured amazing auction items - namely a flight on the Cavaliers Team Plane to an away game with hotel and game tickets provided. Carolyn has spent numerous hours planning every detail both big and small. At a time when funders are giving less due to the economy, this is just the boost DVC needs! We thank Carolyn - as we are truly grateful. Her community spirit and her generosity is one reason why the Cavaliers are great!