For Jane

While 100 people gathered together the last few days to discuss how to better serve domestic violence victims in Cuyahoga County, a woman, "Jane", was murdered in Cleveland - in the name of domestic violence. Pausing for a moment to remember her and all victims, we reiterate the reason we are gathered together. There are too many injuries and murders stemming from domestic violence and we, as a community, need to make this a priority. And let's not forget that more than half the residents in our shelter are children. Children who see, hear, witness and experience violence and abuse in their own homes. The effects are devastating and we need to break this cycle. DVC saw an increase in all of our programs (except shelter due to maximum bed capacity) and our 24-hour Helpline jumped from 14,000 to 18,000 calls annually. This is outrageous and we need to invest in prevention, education and intervention to help create healthier and peaceful homes. Please help us by doing your part. Speak up, offer support to a victim you know, volunteer, donate... whatever you are inclined to do -
just please do something... for Jane, her family and all of the others impacted by domestic violence everyday.

The Cupboard

It is very difficult to create a PSA that does not "offend" the public or is not too graphic. Domestic Violence is an issue that includes horrendous graphics everyday. There is part of me that wants the world to see what we see. Because if the community saw and heard what we at Domestic Violence Center see and hear - I think everyone would be outraged. When people are outraged, they often take action - whether it is talking about it with others, volunteering, donating, or writing legislators. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence created a PSA that raises awareness, makes its point, but is creative in "showing the violence". Click the link below and tell me what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoeOPrui-v8


The next PSA is graphic - but makes an excellent point. Which PSA do you think best gets the message across.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugTeOz7rsgE

Domestic Violence Recognized by Obama

Yesterday, Obama named a Domestic Violence Adviser to place the important issue of domestic violence back on the national agenda! Alleluia! This woman gets it. She totally understands the complicated issues involved in domestic violence for both victim and offender.

Time Magazine reported: "In announcing the appointment of Lynn Rosenthal, Vice President Joe Biden said that creating the job allows the White House to revive a focus on domestic violence issues. The White House said Rosenthal will advise President Barack Obama and Biden and work with government agencies to ensure that violence against women isn't ignored and the perpetrators are held accountable. A former director of a women's shelter, Rosenthal was executive director of the National Network to End Domestic Violence from 2000 to 2006. And she worked as director of the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence."

I am VERY EXCITED to hear this. It gives me great hope that with an emphasis on domestic violence, we may see some real progress in our society. Is it possible that we may put more resources into prevention and intervention of domestic violence? Imagine that! No really.... imagine that....

Domestic Violence is a preventable crime - meaning there is so much more we can do to reduce domestic violence in our society - IF we choose to focus our energy and resources there.

People often ask what keeps me working in this field that is tough, tragic and includes stories filled with overwhelming pain. My answer? Progress. Progress toward safer homes and safer relationships. And this step, my friends, is progress.

DV homicides of women increase

The U.S. Department of Justice just released in June, 2009, the latest study that indicates the trends in domestic violence over the past few years. It reads: "According to the Supplementary Homicide Reports of the FBI's Uniform Crime Reporting Program in 2005, 1,181 females and 329 males were killed by their intimate partners. Intimate partner homicides constituted 30 percent of all female murders (1976-2004), and 3 percent of all male murders (1976-2005). The proportion of female homicide victims killed by an intimate partner is increasing."

What do we need to do as a society to decrease homicides of domestic violence? After working in this field for years, and seeing that we are making some progress, this study clearly indicates that things are not getting better for victims - they are getting worse. This obviously concerns me greatly - not just concerns me - but I am angered and saddened at the disparity in which we make domestic violence a priority - or should I say not a priority. As a country, we can send astronauts into space, we can find cures for diseases, and use technology for innovation, - which are all very good - and I know we can reduce domestic violence - but it is not a priority on the agenda.

Domestic Violence Center's experience clearly indicates that when domestic violence is in the news, or DVC is on TV, our hotline calls increase greatly. At times, they have doubled. So, one step we can all take is to make sure that we are always talking about it - that we are writing about it - that we are showing it and not hiding it. Another step - is to increase the funding for domestic violence programs. DVC is bursting at the seems with a great demand for services. A third step is to affect public policy and work for social change and systems change. But how can we serve more people in danger and in crisis - how can we keep women, men and children safe - when there is not an increase in funds for victims? This is such a critical issue when we are talking about people's lives and their safety.

Do you have any outlets that we can talk or write about domestic violence - print, radio, news?
What are your ideas about increasing funding? This is a community problem, as the costs are high - and we would like to hear your ideas. Lets work even harder at making domestic violence a priority - so the next report that comes out shows a decrease in DV homicides - not an increase like now.

What????

A wave of commonality was clear when I was reading an article about the domestic violence allegations against Denver Broncos Brandon Marshall. According to the Denver Times, the first police report made against him by his former fiance was in 2006, with many others since then, and eventually police found her with several cuts on her lip. The domestic violence spans 2 years and 3 states. I don't know the facts, anymore than what I read in the paper, but the victim's mom said she received a phone call 2 years ago from the Bronco's organziation to see if she could persuade her daughter to smooth things over with Brandon.

WHAT????

To smooth things over, to patch things up? Shouldn't they be looking at what they can do to change Brandon's behavior? What about domestic violence treatment for him? Don't they realize that domestic violence is a crime? Would they say that to their sister, mother, daughter, if they were in an abusive relationship ?Encourage her "to make nice"? The scary part of that questions is that for many, the answer would be yes.

He was originally given a 3 game suspension - which - surprise, surprise - he was able to cut that down to 1 game suspension.

The victim then voiced how alone she feels. Her motivation in going forward in pressing charges is “I don’t want to see him do it to nobody else. And that’s really why I’m doing this today because I feel like somebody has to stand up and stop him from doing this, because the Broncos haven’t done it. The NFL hasn’t done it. The Atlanta Police Department hasn’t done it. Somebody has to do it.”

I don't know what the Atlanta Police Dept has done - maybe they did a great job - and maybe they did not - but it is very common for victims to feel like they are in this alone - and they want others to stop him, because they know they cannot control the offender's behavior. Even police know that with their power, authority, and guns - they cannot make him stop. But at least we can hold him accountable. It is very frustrating and depressing for a victim to feel that he/she is taking steps toward safety - but they don't feel the rest of the community is.

I understand what she is saying - we hear that ALL TOO OFTEN from victims. Brandon is on trial next month. Lets hope that the community shows support - and holds him accountable - more than they talk about his football talent. Lets hope that he gets the message that kicking a football around is okay - kicking a woman around is not.

Let us not forget the staggering statistics

Domestic violence is pervasive in our country - we know that. But what many do not know is that pregnant women carry a high risk of homicide from their abusive partners. The Gloucester Daily Times reports on a study of pregnant women and injury-related deaths from 1990 to 1999 conducted by the Massachusetts Department of Public Health and found "that homicide was the leading cause of death (38 percent), more than motor vehicle collisions (26 percent) and drug overdoses (20 percent). In Massachusetts there have already been 14 people murdered by an abusive partner since Jan. 1 of this year.

It seems that batterers take advantage of a victim when they are most vulnerable. Not only do they instill fear in the vicitm, they put them down so much that eventually many victims begin to think the abuse is their fault. And they especially escalate their tactics when the victim is pregnant. How low can you go? That is my question. While victims wind up working very hard at "how not to make the abuser angry", the abuser will ALWAYS find something to get angry, or yet enraged about.

We, as in the genral public and in awareness campaigns, need to find a way to talk with victims and let them know

• it is not their fault,
• there is help
• and we are here for them.

We, as in the community. We cannot do that however, as long as there are people in our society who keep blaming the victims. They say - well why doesn't she leave? She is asking for it. She provoked it. She could leave if she really wants to. These are all victim blaming phrases and questions. When someone asks these - I know they are speaking about something that they really don't understand. Because once you understand the complexities related to domestic violence and the impact of victimization, you don't ask those questions or make those statements. You wind up saying things like "How can we get the message across to victims to HELP them, not blame them? How can we show our support as a society?

In Massachusetts, as the Legislature debates next year's budget, they are considering the public safety benefit of a tax increase to support prevention services that help keep children and families safe during these challenging times. This is one way to reach out to more victims. This may not be the answer for everyone or every state. But at least they are searching for answers. Please help DVC and Ohio search for answers so that we may support victims, hold abusers more accountable and decrease domestic violence. Any ideas? Please share them with me. I am always looking for new, innovative and creative ways to help victims.

Teen Prom efforts are bittersweet

This is a story that is bitter sweet. The sweet part is the activism and campaign of a small group of high school students - who are charting a new path toward change. The bitter part is that so many of their peers are clueless.

I would love to personally congratulate the group of teens at Arcadia High School in California for being pro-active and encouraging respect for all girls and women. Because of their efforts, "Twenty songs that refer to women as "hos" and other derogatory names won't be played at the Arcadia High prom Saturday night", reports Pasadena Star News. Thanks to the efforts of senior Madeline Conrique and fellow members of the Women's Health and Issues Club who made an agreement with school administrators limiting songs with misogynistic themes and lyrics. "Some of the songs call women `bitches' and `hos,' or refer to them as objects and treat them like animals," Conrique said. "We find that offensive." A petition circulated on campus since last week asked students to support banning misogynistic songs from the prom; it garnered 130 signature

The Pasadena Star News reports:
The issue first came up a few months ago, when club members viewed two episodes of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" in which Winfrey asked members of the hip-hop community if they felt their lyrics were degrading to women. But educating their peers turned out to be difficult. One classmate launched a text message chain imploring students not to sign the petition, club members said. Some students felt the club was trying to ruin their prom. "The girls, surprisingly, were turned off," Conrique said. "They were telling us that we were ruining their prom and that they liked to dance to those songs." The club members now hope that the effort they launched this year translates into a "misogyny free" dance next school year. "I think we definitely made some progress," said Conrique. "We are not trying to silence anyone. We just want people to listen to the lyrics."

"We are just trying to advocate for respect", said senior, Lani Luo.

It is clear that many of the teens do not yet fully understand the damaging effects of lyrics which advocate for disrespect of women. The comments from teens are usually along the lines of: "Listening to lyrics that are degrading to women, doesn't make me want to go out and hit a woman". They don't realize that this is one way our society condones disrespect for women - which establishes a belief that women are "less than". And in many cases, this IS what leads to violence against women. Most offenders "hold it together" with their friends and family, and save the violence for their girlfriend or wife. This fact speaks volumes.

Do they not realize that 1 out of 4 women will be abused in their lifetime? If they don't, we need to keep that statistic out there - and keep telling the stories.

And that - is on all of us!

OK to slap a wife?

This judge needs a lesson in domestic violence 101.
Below is an excerpt from the Associated Press.

RIYADH (AFP) — A Saudi judge has told a seminar on domestic violence that it is okay for a man to slap his wife for lavish spending, a local newspaper reported on Sunday. Jeddah judge Hamad al-Razine gave the example of overspending to buy a high-end abaya, the head-to toe black shroud Saudi women have to wear in public, as justifying a smack for one's wife, Arab News said. "If a person gives 1,200 riyals (320 dollars) to his wife and she spends 900 riyals (240 dollars) to purchase an abaya from a brand shop, and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment," he said. The judge's remarks sparked an outcry at the seminar on the role of judicial and security officials in preventing domestic violence, the paper reported. The seminar was attended by officials as well as activists on domestic violence, including representatives of the National Family Safety Programme.
Razine acknowledged the depth of the problem of domestic violence, until recently not acknowledged as a serious issue in the ultra-conservative Muslim country, where family problems traditionally remained behind closed doors. Saudi women have in the past few years become more vocal about the problem of husbands beating wives and fathers mistreating children.

But Razine said some of the blame must be shouldered by wives for their behaviour. "Nobody puts even a fraction of the blame on them," he said, according to the report

So - the lesson is - even if someone says or does something to make you angry, that does not give you the right to hit, slap, punch or otherwise assault another person. Isn't that what we teach our children every day? I think it is one of the most difficult lessons for kids to learn. As adults, we expect that behavior to be mastered, but its not. This is not specific to this culture only. Unfortunately, almost every culture seems to believe a part of this thinking. We say here in the United States, that domestic violence is unacceptable. We have laws that protect victims of domestic violence. Yet the fact that domestic violence is so prevalent among households in the U.S., among the rich and poor, all races and ethnicities, and in every geographic location, speaks of the opposite belief. The fact is that there are many men who believe they have the right to hit their wife. (And yes there are male victims too). But the fact is that 85-90% of victims are women with male offenders. So it seems to be an accepted way of thinking in the U.S. for many. Research says that 1 out of every 4 women will be abused in their lifetime. That is a disturbing statistic.

I am glad that Saudi women are speaking out against this injustice. And the fact is.... we in the United States need to speak up even more than we have. If you have a story about domestic violence, please tell me. And lets figure out a way to get more of these stories told. So, in the end, all men and women feel safe in their homes and relationships.

And a very strong thank you to the many men who have already lent their voice to this issue. There are more good men in this community than abusive men. And we need them to stand up and speak out against domestic violence.

Find Your Voice!

There were 4 great bands... delicious food... beer, wine and soda... great raffle items.... energy.... singing... dancing... Put it all together and what do you have?

The Find Your Voice Concert benefiting Domestic Violence Center!

Almost 200 people attended the concert to not only raise their voice and awareness of domestic violence - but to raise funds for the programs and services of DVC. All 4 bands donated their music to the event - and all food and drink were donated by restaurants, cafes, wineries and bars in the community. We are fortunate to have such widespread community support! It was fun to see people up dancing - or better yet singing their own rendition of the song being played. We had guests ranging from 18 years old to 70 year old - all swaying to the music at some point during the evening. Thank you to all who attended and supported the concert in some way. We are pleased to announce that we raised more funds this year than last year. And in this economy.... that is an accomplishment in and of itself!

The CAVS are great - but its not what you think

Everybody knows the Cavs are the hottest team in the NBA! Mike Brown just received the "Coach of The Year Award" and many are predicting that Lebron will be the MVP. Cavs games are sold out; the arena is packed even when the team isn't physically present - when fans enthusiastically watch the Cavs on the jumbotron at the Q while the team is out of town! Cleveland is thrilled and the excitement is contagious. So yes - the Cavs are great because of their basketball ability and teamwork. But the Cavs are also great for a reason that does not get in the news like the games do. Those who are not in the limelight and work behind the scenes are pretty incredible. The work they do in the community is amazing. Colleen Garrity, the Cavs Community Relations Director and Carolyn Brown, who heads up the Cavaliers Better Halves, are committed individuals who love to work with people in the community. Carolyn, who is chairing DVC's first annual Charity Ball this Saturday, May 2nd, has done an outstanding job with the Ball! She and Colleen together have secured amazing auction items - namely a flight on the Cavaliers Team Plane to an away game with hotel and game tickets provided. Carolyn has spent numerous hours planning every detail both big and small. At a time when funders are giving less due to the economy, this is just the boost DVC needs! We thank Carolyn - as we are truly grateful. Her community spirit and her generosity is one reason why the Cavaliers are great!

A Resource for Teens

It seems that "everyone" is talking about domestic violence these days. The latest person to try to bring awareness to teen dating violence and abuse is Tyra Banks. She aired a show 3 days ago centering around teens in abusive relationships and offering tips to help others become safe.
Her focus was on helping teens to make positive changes in their lives. In my opinion, many of these discussions are good - if not only for the fact that "dating violence" or "domestic violence" is being acknowledged, recognized and deemed important enough to discuss. Even if I or you do not agree on everything that is being said - at least it is raising awareness of the issue and the message that there is help!

I want to emphasize several resources that Tyra's show mentioned:
The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline1-866-331-9474 or log on to, loveisrespect.org

Loveisnotabuse.com If you are someone you know are a teen victim of dating abuse, visit Love is Not Abuse for valuable resources.

Domestic Violence Center, Cleveland: Helpline 216-391-HELP or www.domesticviolencecenter.org

A different approach

I came across a new domestic violence ad in the UK that is an awareness tool and part of a campaign. The email introoducing it said:

In the wake of Chris Brown's headline-grabbing altercation with Rihanna earlier this year, domestic violence has become a de rigueur topic of conversation on the U.S. talk show circuit.
The U.K., however, is trying to get the word out in a more viral manner. Cut, an intentionally disturbing new PSA starring Keira Knightley, and put together by the British antidomestic violence charity Women's Aid, was released today.

The link below will bring you to the PSA that is being launched in the UK. I warn you that it is disturbing and graphic. They are taking the approach of showing it, naming it, and talking about it. They are not hiding it - as we do here in the U.S.
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b107349_keira_calls_cut_on_domestic_violence.html

What do you think of it? Should the U.S. take an approach like this? Should Cleveland?

WOW - that's all I can say

I experienced "greatness" through many women on Monday and Tuesday evening.

Tuesday evening, I attended the film festival to view Sin by Silence and to moderate the forum afterward. The film festival experience included an outstanding film, an engaged audience, and a panel of diverse experts. I was very impressed. The festival was able to bring in the California film producer, Olivia Klaus, co-producer, Ann Caryn Cleveland, and a woman featured in the film, Brenda Clubine who tells her tragic story and offers a spirit of resilience. The film gave a voice to domestic violence victims, the tragedies, the healing, the activism needed and above all a message of hope! I was absolutely amazed by Brenda and her openness to tell her story with the goal of preventing others from going to prison like she did and offering options for safety. Recently released from prison, Brenda served 26 years for killing her abusive husband. She endured violence and abuse in her relationship; endured a lie in which she was told her son was killed, just to find him well and alive almost 20 years later; endured a justice system 25 years ago that did not acknowledge the battered women's syndrome; endured the experience of being behind bars and the loss of freedom. Yet, she offers a spirit and a message of hope and options to other abused women and to the community at large.

Monday evening, was even more moving when the film was shown to the women in our shelter followed by Brenda speaking to them. There was not a dry eye in the room. Brenda touched the core of their hearts - and I do believe offered hope - as one woman said through her tears, "I want to be where you are today" meaning self-confident, self-reliant, resilient, and making her own choices. Thank you Brenda.

What a wake up call

The Chris Brown and Rihanna domestic violence situation has stirred more conversations about DV than I have heard in a long time. I am glad people are talking about the issue. But I have to say that I am dismayed at WHAT many people are saying. I guess I thought as a society, we have moved further along in our understanding of domestic violence. In the Boston Herald, it is reported that out of 200 teens surveyed, 51% said Chris Brown is responsible for the DV problem and 46% said Rihanna is responsible. I cannot believe that 46% of teens think that the victim is responsible. No matter what anyone does, the offender ALWAYS has a choice to walk away. Chris Brown had the choice to walk away from Rihanna - but he CHOSE not to. IT IS NOT HER FAULT. I am tired of people blaming the victim. Let's start holding the offenders more accountable.

This is a wake up call for all of us - to talk to our kids - and let them know that under no circumstance does anyone have the right to hit them. When they are trying to understand teen dating violence, we need to remind them and hopefully they will be able to see for themselves, that the "offender" could have chosen to walk away - but chose not to. It IS a choice.

We are saddened by this tragedy

We here at Domestic Violence Center are saddened by the tragedy in Cleveland of losing precious lives in such a violent manner. Six people shot - five dead - including 3 children - underscores the fact that domestic violence is so dangerous to all those who find themselves in an abusive situation. We never know when any abusive relationship will be one that ends in murder. Domestic Violence Center is here for the community: to help you if you are a victim, to help your sister, brother, mother friend or other loved ones. DVC wants you and the rest of the community to keep the conversation going about domestic violence. We need to talk about the issue. We need not be afraid to stand up and speak out against violence in our community. We need to educate our youth on healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships - and how to get help if they find themselves being abused. Silence around this issue is unacceptable.

Please give our hotline number 216-391-HELP to someone in need. Please join us in helping people stay safe. There are many things you can do to help: volunteer, reach out to others, talk with your kids and your neighbors' kids about domestic violence, donate to the cause, hold a drive, advocate for effective public policy and more. Help us by being part of the solution.

If I am Missing or Dead

I read a great book over the weekend called "If I am Missing or Dead": based on a true story and written by Janine Latus. Domestic Violence Center is bringing Janine to Cleveland as our keynote speaker for the Break the Silence Luncheon in October. I was fascinated with her candor, honesty and ability to articulate the impact of the emotional abuse in her marriage. She writes about her childhood and the things she learned about a woman's worth at a young age. The pain in her book is not only for herself, but for her sister, Amy- who wound up missing - and then dead. This is what inspires Janine to speak out.

In viewing a clip of Janine, I heard her say "My sister and I were not honest with each other about what was happening in our relationships". She then went on to say something that is worth repeating: "Speak up and risk the anger of a loved one that you think or know is a victim in an abusive relationship." Let them know you love them so much that you cannot remain silent and that you are concerned for their safety. The victim may become defensive - but it may give them something to think about. If said with love and concern - and not in the heat of anger or frustration - which is often the case - perhaps they will realize that there is help and there can be a safe way out if done with help. Please give them our 24-hour Helpline at 216-391-HELP - and let them know they are not alone - unfortunately, not by a long shot.

The stories are many

I just finished jury duty last week and found it - believe it or not - fascinating! I love to meet new people and listen to their story. I met so many people from different walks of life: each one telling their own story, with similarities and differences. Sometimes this was done voluntarily and sometimes because we were asked those direct questions from the judge or the attorneys. Either way, we learned a lot about one another. Sitting in a quiet room with 22 other people, playing the waiting game, I decided to start a conversation about domestic violence. I mentioned the Chris Brown and Rihanna story and the fact that some radio stations were suspending his music until there was more information about the case. Other radio stations did not take that action. So, I asked, "What do you think?"

No surprise to me, the answers were as diverse and confusing as the issue itself. It re-confirmed for me that domestic violence is still one of the most "misunderstood" social issues of our time. The myths are alive and well; the misinformation is great; and the "blaming the victim" still an attitude of many. What alarmed me the most were 2 things: 1) there was a high number of individuals in that room who knew a victim, and this is common in talking about this issue because domestic violence is more pervasive than the average person realizes; 2) So many people had a belief that this was "normal" - "every couple has their thing" - "it could happen to anyone, so why get on Chris Brown?" "She must have done something to deserve it" and on and on. Oh, how disheartening. How much work we still need to do to raise awareness.

I want to thank many of the radio stations for highlighting the fact that this is a very serious issue and should not be taken lightly. Once we as a community, stay completely silent and do not speak up against domestic violence, we have lost our sense of justice - our sense of helping our brother and sister.

Great Crowd!

Wow! What a great turn out at the ARTiculation event! Thank you to all who came and supported this fun evening. It was great to see so many new faces there - along with our faithful supporters. The crowd included artists, chefs, social service advocates, a couple judges, prosecutors, photographers, attorneys and more. We doubled our revenue over last year and all proceeds will go to stalking education and services. Thank you again to Debbie Riddle, her family and friends who made this happen.

January is Stalking Awareness Month.
Stalking is one of those issues that is under the radar screen for many people and systems, including police, courts sytems, prosecutors, judges, attorneys and others. Many victims of stalking don't even realize that what is happening to them is a CRIME. The problem with identifying and prosecuting stalking is that many of the activities of a stalker are "legal" in and of itself- making unwanted phone calls, sending unwanted letters, cards or flowers, showing up at places the victim frequents, and others. Individually, these acts seem harmless and legal. But stalking is a pattern crime - when the stalker does this over and over, and scares the victim and causes mental distress, it becomes a crime. Of course, many times a stalker's actions are more severe such as threatening, property damage, public smear campaign, cyber stalking, and death.

The U.S. Department of Justice conducted a survey in 2006 and estimated 3.4 million people ages 18 and over were victims of stalking. DVC tries to educate the public and raise awareness of stalking. This month, we have a Stalking Awareness Event called ARTiculation. All proceeds go toward providing education and/or programs regarding stalking.

DVC is thankful to Debbie Riddle, the event chair, her family and friends, who work hard every year to raise awareness. Debbie's sister, Peggy, was terrorized and murdered by her ex-boyfriend who stalked her across state lines.

Please join us for ARTiculation, a fun gallery event, on January 31st, from 6:00 - 9:00 pm at Keith Berr Studio, 1420 East 31st St., Cleveland. Tickets are $25 and there will be beer, wine, appetizers, and music - and a silent and live auction. It is loads of fun - so please join us! And thank you for your support!