WOW - that's all I can say

I experienced "greatness" through many women on Monday and Tuesday evening.

Tuesday evening, I attended the film festival to view Sin by Silence and to moderate the forum afterward. The film festival experience included an outstanding film, an engaged audience, and a panel of diverse experts. I was very impressed. The festival was able to bring in the California film producer, Olivia Klaus, co-producer, Ann Caryn Cleveland, and a woman featured in the film, Brenda Clubine who tells her tragic story and offers a spirit of resilience. The film gave a voice to domestic violence victims, the tragedies, the healing, the activism needed and above all a message of hope! I was absolutely amazed by Brenda and her openness to tell her story with the goal of preventing others from going to prison like she did and offering options for safety. Recently released from prison, Brenda served 26 years for killing her abusive husband. She endured violence and abuse in her relationship; endured a lie in which she was told her son was killed, just to find him well and alive almost 20 years later; endured a justice system 25 years ago that did not acknowledge the battered women's syndrome; endured the experience of being behind bars and the loss of freedom. Yet, she offers a spirit and a message of hope and options to other abused women and to the community at large.

Monday evening, was even more moving when the film was shown to the women in our shelter followed by Brenda speaking to them. There was not a dry eye in the room. Brenda touched the core of their hearts - and I do believe offered hope - as one woman said through her tears, "I want to be where you are today" meaning self-confident, self-reliant, resilient, and making her own choices. Thank you Brenda.

What a wake up call

The Chris Brown and Rihanna domestic violence situation has stirred more conversations about DV than I have heard in a long time. I am glad people are talking about the issue. But I have to say that I am dismayed at WHAT many people are saying. I guess I thought as a society, we have moved further along in our understanding of domestic violence. In the Boston Herald, it is reported that out of 200 teens surveyed, 51% said Chris Brown is responsible for the DV problem and 46% said Rihanna is responsible. I cannot believe that 46% of teens think that the victim is responsible. No matter what anyone does, the offender ALWAYS has a choice to walk away. Chris Brown had the choice to walk away from Rihanna - but he CHOSE not to. IT IS NOT HER FAULT. I am tired of people blaming the victim. Let's start holding the offenders more accountable.

This is a wake up call for all of us - to talk to our kids - and let them know that under no circumstance does anyone have the right to hit them. When they are trying to understand teen dating violence, we need to remind them and hopefully they will be able to see for themselves, that the "offender" could have chosen to walk away - but chose not to. It IS a choice.

We are saddened by this tragedy

We here at Domestic Violence Center are saddened by the tragedy in Cleveland of losing precious lives in such a violent manner. Six people shot - five dead - including 3 children - underscores the fact that domestic violence is so dangerous to all those who find themselves in an abusive situation. We never know when any abusive relationship will be one that ends in murder. Domestic Violence Center is here for the community: to help you if you are a victim, to help your sister, brother, mother friend or other loved ones. DVC wants you and the rest of the community to keep the conversation going about domestic violence. We need to talk about the issue. We need not be afraid to stand up and speak out against violence in our community. We need to educate our youth on healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships - and how to get help if they find themselves being abused. Silence around this issue is unacceptable.

Please give our hotline number 216-391-HELP to someone in need. Please join us in helping people stay safe. There are many things you can do to help: volunteer, reach out to others, talk with your kids and your neighbors' kids about domestic violence, donate to the cause, hold a drive, advocate for effective public policy and more. Help us by being part of the solution.

If I am Missing or Dead

I read a great book over the weekend called "If I am Missing or Dead": based on a true story and written by Janine Latus. Domestic Violence Center is bringing Janine to Cleveland as our keynote speaker for the Break the Silence Luncheon in October. I was fascinated with her candor, honesty and ability to articulate the impact of the emotional abuse in her marriage. She writes about her childhood and the things she learned about a woman's worth at a young age. The pain in her book is not only for herself, but for her sister, Amy- who wound up missing - and then dead. This is what inspires Janine to speak out.

In viewing a clip of Janine, I heard her say "My sister and I were not honest with each other about what was happening in our relationships". She then went on to say something that is worth repeating: "Speak up and risk the anger of a loved one that you think or know is a victim in an abusive relationship." Let them know you love them so much that you cannot remain silent and that you are concerned for their safety. The victim may become defensive - but it may give them something to think about. If said with love and concern - and not in the heat of anger or frustration - which is often the case - perhaps they will realize that there is help and there can be a safe way out if done with help. Please give them our 24-hour Helpline at 216-391-HELP - and let them know they are not alone - unfortunately, not by a long shot.

The stories are many

I just finished jury duty last week and found it - believe it or not - fascinating! I love to meet new people and listen to their story. I met so many people from different walks of life: each one telling their own story, with similarities and differences. Sometimes this was done voluntarily and sometimes because we were asked those direct questions from the judge or the attorneys. Either way, we learned a lot about one another. Sitting in a quiet room with 22 other people, playing the waiting game, I decided to start a conversation about domestic violence. I mentioned the Chris Brown and Rihanna story and the fact that some radio stations were suspending his music until there was more information about the case. Other radio stations did not take that action. So, I asked, "What do you think?"

No surprise to me, the answers were as diverse and confusing as the issue itself. It re-confirmed for me that domestic violence is still one of the most "misunderstood" social issues of our time. The myths are alive and well; the misinformation is great; and the "blaming the victim" still an attitude of many. What alarmed me the most were 2 things: 1) there was a high number of individuals in that room who knew a victim, and this is common in talking about this issue because domestic violence is more pervasive than the average person realizes; 2) So many people had a belief that this was "normal" - "every couple has their thing" - "it could happen to anyone, so why get on Chris Brown?" "She must have done something to deserve it" and on and on. Oh, how disheartening. How much work we still need to do to raise awareness.

I want to thank many of the radio stations for highlighting the fact that this is a very serious issue and should not be taken lightly. Once we as a community, stay completely silent and do not speak up against domestic violence, we have lost our sense of justice - our sense of helping our brother and sister.

Great Crowd!

Wow! What a great turn out at the ARTiculation event! Thank you to all who came and supported this fun evening. It was great to see so many new faces there - along with our faithful supporters. The crowd included artists, chefs, social service advocates, a couple judges, prosecutors, photographers, attorneys and more. We doubled our revenue over last year and all proceeds will go to stalking education and services. Thank you again to Debbie Riddle, her family and friends who made this happen.

January is Stalking Awareness Month.
Stalking is one of those issues that is under the radar screen for many people and systems, including police, courts sytems, prosecutors, judges, attorneys and others. Many victims of stalking don't even realize that what is happening to them is a CRIME. The problem with identifying and prosecuting stalking is that many of the activities of a stalker are "legal" in and of itself- making unwanted phone calls, sending unwanted letters, cards or flowers, showing up at places the victim frequents, and others. Individually, these acts seem harmless and legal. But stalking is a pattern crime - when the stalker does this over and over, and scares the victim and causes mental distress, it becomes a crime. Of course, many times a stalker's actions are more severe such as threatening, property damage, public smear campaign, cyber stalking, and death.

The U.S. Department of Justice conducted a survey in 2006 and estimated 3.4 million people ages 18 and over were victims of stalking. DVC tries to educate the public and raise awareness of stalking. This month, we have a Stalking Awareness Event called ARTiculation. All proceeds go toward providing education and/or programs regarding stalking.

DVC is thankful to Debbie Riddle, the event chair, her family and friends, who work hard every year to raise awareness. Debbie's sister, Peggy, was terrorized and murdered by her ex-boyfriend who stalked her across state lines.

Please join us for ARTiculation, a fun gallery event, on January 31st, from 6:00 - 9:00 pm at Keith Berr Studio, 1420 East 31st St., Cleveland. Tickets are $25 and there will be beer, wine, appetizers, and music - and a silent and live auction. It is loads of fun - so please join us! And thank you for your support!